hopelessnes.....

idk for anyone that read this..... (i think no one read this tho)

every second i live... idk i just.. feel really empy day by day.

i tried to neglect that feelling by distracting, creating twitter account that fills my hyperfixations so i can distract my own feeling. i dont have friends at my college because....... i think it is too bothering??????? idk it is bothering or i just afraid. i am afraid of anything. i pretend to not be. everything is too burdensome to me. i just want everything just pass. i want to kill myself but i cant. i really want to. actually. i dont have enough sharp knife to harm myself. i only have dull one and it cant cut through at one cut. i hate it........... why do i still alive? i want to die. but i am afraid too.