A dream.. should a dream become true?

I am 21 now. i have finished my school life. Now, i am in my college life. What was it? horrible, no actually, i like it A BIT. I am in psychology major. When i was got accepted, everyone cheered and praised me. Do i feel happy? not gonna lying, i feel proud actually, not the same as happy though.

I already tired to fill up everyone exceptation. I feel exhausted. Should i have a good personal branding? i thought it was a scam, what was it for? for getting hired? this world is full of capitalism... i hate it. But we got no choice. Fuck life.

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A dream... what was that actually? a profession? i give up my dream. And actually i don't have one since then. They said i have talent in art. So, i took many art competition. But, i give up. I feel my art is so sucks. I hate my art so much. So i took art class. i think the longest extracurricular course that i have got in my life is art class. I do art since I was 5. Now i am 21, that means i have been doing art for 16 fucking years. Yet, i still feel that i am a newbie. Not a pro yet. I hate it. My biggest dream is to become illustrator. When, i was in middle school, i draw everyday to improve my art. I don't like to go in extracurricular activity because i like drawing more than socializing. My mom saw that. My mom was so active than me... But, my only friend, my only mom, has gone, it has been 5 years? and i don't feel like i am alive. I always wanted to cry sometimes. 

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I go to Universitas Indonesia, yeah, that is right everyone wants to be here. I was lucky i guess? going to be here is a total gacha, i won. But i dont think it is pure luck. I think it is a combination of luck + study hard + pray(?)... i pray everytime for this specific major. But i am a dumb. I dont pray what is something that makes me happy.