Borderline Personality Disorder

 Hi.

It has been awhile when i am disappeared.

I just diagnosed with EUPD or emotional unstable personality disoder or BPD. Cuma dokter online sih tp maybe i will retest buat ke psikiater offline.

sebenernya ga kaget sih..... Soalnya emg ngerasa itu aku banget.

I have been down for a months

Gw ga mau kontakan sm temen irl gue sama sekali.

And i feel like months has passed really quickly

I just found my passion to creating things. I don't want to become a researcher actually.....

Huhu emg paling bener masuk creative field ya less stressed drpd masuk karir menjulang tp yg dipikirannya cuma bundir bundir bundir.

No but seriously.... Gw beneran pengen bundir anjir. Kek literally kek gue selama 6 taun terakhir bener2 ngerasa hampa....... Benran i think my life evaluation emg begini kah... Gw belum sempet keliling dunia. I think i need berobat dlu baru gue jalan2 keliling dunia... Literally. I need my mental health to be healthy first.....

Bener2 gw tiap ngelakuin sesuatu selalu overthinking trs... Tiap gw ngomong sm org selalu overthinking...tiap mau keluar gue selalu overthinking... Tiap pagi gue suka nangis or tiap malem gue suka nangis. It has been 6 month i guess.. ? Sejak gw ga masuk kuliah sama sekali anjir bener2 sem 8 gw bolos satu semester karena emg gw merasa ga bisa. Ga punya temen juga gw berpikir dia bakal ngasih tau gue topiknya apa tp pas gue tanya dia udh ada dluan. Trs temen2 gue juga kek udh duluan.... Kek i don't like anyone anymore... 😞 Huhu emg extreme sih tp gimana this is my feeling actually i see people with black and white actually i need to control this??? Tp kek suka ga sadar huhuhuhu😭😭😭 i saw my bestfriend in elementary school too as not rlly my best friend after she said gue gendut.. and ga becus.. 🥹

FUCK WHY MY EMOTION IS SO OVERWHELMING??? Gue ga tahan hidup anjir mana mama udh meninggal gw ga bisa ngomong ke siapa siapa lagi. Bapak? Bet he would said I'm stupid and just biarin gue nangis. "Kamu kenapa nangis."

My stepmom? Guess what she doesn't understand anything. And i don't approve his existence in my house.

Mas Ari? idk... Bisa sih cuma.... hmmm I'll consider it later.